Bus

She got into the bus. I knew she would. In fact, I had taken this specific bus on this route just so that I could see her.

She looked beautiful. I was seeing her after a long time, she still looked the same.

My friend had seen her when he had taken a bus on this route a while back. A bit of online stalking and I had figured out which college she was studying in. Since then, I have been trying different timings along the same route. Finally got the right one today - 9:35 AM.

She was sitting 6 rows ahead of me, in the ladies’ section of the bus. She was alone, quietly sitting with earphones on. The bus was already very crowded, I was surprised that she got a seat.

I thought of going ahead and trying to get a seat near her or just stand closer to her. I wasn't even sure if she will remember me. She must have seen me like a few times prior to that day.

However, eventually fear was victorious, and I stayed glued to my seat till it was time for her to get off. Maybe some other day.

***

Almost 3 months since that day, I still haven't spoken to her. I must have taken this bus like every second day, just hoping for a chance. The one time I tried to initiate some conversation was when I offered her my seat, but she refused.

Just observing one person in the bus regularly can really tell you a lot about the person. I have seen her when she was stressed, desperately going through her textbooks for some last-minute preparation. I have seen how she interacts with the other passengers.

I have seen her good days. And her bad days. A few occasions, I even saw her with a guy. Luckily it was just a few occasions, I still haven't figured out who it was though.

I even got off at her college a few times and had a few cups of tea at the popular hangout spot nearby hoping to talk to her. But no luck.

***

Almost a year now, still haven't spoken to her. I wasn't in town for a few months, had to go to Delhi for work. But of course, that's not an excuse. I really need to try and talk to her. I am just not sure what to say. How will she react.

This fear is what keeps me from approaching her.

Every day I wake up, take the bus, and think about how I can start a conversation. I play it over in my head multiple times, but it never plays out.

***

Bad news, she is getting married in December. That is a little over a month away. It really is now or never. Her frequency of going to college has reduced quite a bit, just a couple of times in the week now.

I even went to her college once, hoping to see her. As usual, no luck. 

I don't think I will ever be able to talk to her. Tell her what I feel. Still have a month, let’s see what happens.

***

It is the day of her marriage. And no, I still haven't spoken to her in case you are wondering. However today, I got off at her stop. I walked to her house; I had always known where it was all these years.

Her house had a large gate, one could see the garden in front of the house. Today this garden was all decked up. I could see the marriage decorations. I could see a lot of relatives and a lot of excitement. I stood across the road, trying catch a glimpse of her.

I finally saw her; she was wearing a nice red saree. Makeup was minimal but perfect.

That was when I saw her mother.

She looked just as beautiful. Her mother looked exactly like how she looked 25 years ago.

On our wedding day.

I never should have walked out on her when she gave birth to a girl. I regret it to this day. She raised her all alone and they look happy now. I did go back a few years later but she didn't even look at me. That was when I saw my daughter for the first time, but I didn't get a chance to talk to her either.

All I wanted was to talk to her and apologize. There is no excuse for what I did, but I am ready to do anything and everything to make it up to her now.

I have had a year worth of opportunities to talk to my daughter, but I still couldn't. I am too ashamed of myself.

I have probably 20 years ahead, I am sure I still won't be able to talk to her.

***

End

Climb

Arun woke up. He didn’t know where he was. It looked like a hospital room. A doctor noticed that Arun was up and came over to his bed.

“Hi Mr. Arun Sharma, you have been unconscious for almost two weeks now.  Would you like some water?” asked the doctor

Arun nodded.

The doctor poured some warm water in a glass and gave it to him. Arun took a few sips.

“How are you feeling?” asked the doctor

“I feel tired, lot of weakness. I can’t feel much strength in my legs” replied Arun

“Yes, you will take some time to recover. You were very dehydrated when we found you, you must have been unconscious for at least a couple of days before we found you. What is the last thing you remember?” asked the doctor.

“Did we make it to the top?” asked Arun

“The top?”

“The last thing I remember, we were climbing up to Kalyani peak.”

“We?”

“Yes, Mayank and me.”

“I am sorry to inform you, but you didn’t make it to the top. When the rescue team found you, you were around 100 metres from the top.”

“Oh okay. And where is Mayank? How is he?”

“I am sorry to be the one to inform you, but Mayank didn’t make it. He was already dead by the time the team found the two of you.”

Arun was stunned. He didn’t know what to say. He closed his eyes, put his head in his hands.

“I am sorry to break the news to you right now. I had not planned to tell you for a few days. Instead, I had planned to tell you that he was also unconscious and recovering and give you the bad news once you had slightly recovered yourself. But I felt that it will be better to tell you immediately.”

“No, it’s okay,” said Arun. His voice was shaky.  He took a few more sips of water.

“I am glad you told me. Mayank wasn’t really interested in climbing this peak. He was going to get married in May and didn’t want to climb this peak right now. But I pushed him, I didn’t want to do this alone. I thought this would be our last climb since he is getting married and will be settling down. I feel horrible, I am not sure what I am going to tell his mother.”

Arun started crying. The doctor just looked at him, not saying anything.

“Can you try and remember what happened?” the doctor asked Arun.

“I have been trying to remember myself since you told me. The memories are faint, but I do recall that we had got caught in some snow, some snow or rocks had fallen over us, and we were injured. Mayank was injured quite badly; he couldn’t feel his legs. I couldn’t get up myself, my entire body was paining.”

“Was there anyone else with you? Did no other group find you?”

“It was just the two of us. And I remember shouting for help, I think we were shouting for hours or maybe days. I don’t even remember exactly. But the winds were strong, nobody heard us. Nobody came for help.”

“Can you remember how many days you were stuck there?”

“I can’t. It feels like many days. I think I now remember one of the last things Mayank may have said to me.”

“What was it?”

“He made me promise that I will take him down - dead or alive. I didn’t want to discuss this, instead I kept motivating him that a fresh group will be coming soon, and we will be saved. In the end, I did make the promise. Did the rescue team bring him down as well?”

“They did, but…”

“But what, Doctor?”

“His body was found next to you, half eaten. Initially we thought it was eaten by an animal. After analyzing the both of you, we realized that isn’t the case. The police have asked me to notify them the day you are up. They will be coming in the afternoon. They have some questions.”